my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
