YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
