She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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