Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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