She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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