I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
