there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
