No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
