allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My dick has a subreddit
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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