a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
