I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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