She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
