worst night to have a conscience
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
