I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
