Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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