Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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