Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
