No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
