To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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