this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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