Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
