dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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