You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
