direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
