mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
