I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
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When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
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I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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