I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
