I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
