You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
