you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
