I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
