He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
