i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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