when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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