hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
