Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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