so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
