What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
