As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
