I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
