New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
