Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
