we have pet lesbian snakes
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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