I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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