people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
