I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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