u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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