some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
