I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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