Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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