I met the friendliest cop last night
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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