Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize