I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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