I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize