i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
