Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
