**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
