k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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