I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
