He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
