Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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