dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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