Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
