he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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