you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
