too bad you live with your parents still
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Shame - the story of my life.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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