Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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