ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
And then he peed in my hair
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