I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
