Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
