we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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