Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Enjoy the penises
I forget how to act sober
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
