maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
