She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
